These days, if anyone is bold enough to ask me how old I am, I simply reply, "Old enough to complain about today's music." Or 35, whichever is easier.
I've officially become "that person." The grumpy adult who complains about what kids these days are into. Growing up, you observe this behavior in your parents and think, "That'll never happen to me. I'm going to make a point to be cool when I get old." Who was I kidding? I was never cool when I was young.
And then Justin Bieber happens. Miley Cyrus happens. Now you're thinking instead, "If staying relevant means listening to this, then fuck it. I'd rather be out of touch."
I mean, who is Drake and why does he think he can get away with using just one name like Prince or Madonna or Sting? You haven't earned that yet, buddy. Come back when you've...um...I honestly don't know what it is that you do.
I wasn't even aware of a song called "Blurred Lines" until I started seeing the parodies, which of course I didn't get at first because I wasn't in on the joke. And then I finally heard the "song of the summer." Needless to say, I was underwhelmed. Is this Robin Thicke's contribution to our culture? At least his dad gave us "Growing Pains."
I was at a party last weekend and The Black Eyed Peas' "I Gotta Feeling" came on, which elicited a reaction from the people I was talking to. I had to say I didn't recognize it, which was true. Apparently, it was the "Call Me Maybe" of a few summers ago. I had no idea. For a moment, I felt tragically uncool, until I realized I didn't much like the song anyway, and therefore I hadn't actually missed anything.
Then it hit me that being up on current music has absolutely zero bearing on how I live my life. In my case, ignorance of the likes of Ke$ha and One Direction is truly bliss. Now excuse me while I go put on the Stones.